This Libra New Moon is full of FEELINGS, perspectives and examining the spaces, the things and the people in your life.
For example, you may find yourself uncovering awareness around how you have been showing up in a relationship, such as behaviors, responses or even avoiding. You may see your home or office in a new way and find obvious things to change, organize or fix! Or you might finally be ready to let go or lean in to people, places and/or opportunities.
Its been real for me.
I broke my own heart this month
I have been noticing new-found treasures in my relationships, AND sobering awarenesses. I broke my own heart this month when I realized that I have been unconsciously protecting my daughter from my husband.
What? And Why? You may be asking, I was too.
This New Moon has revealed a long-ago sprouted belief that is rooted in my past and casting a shadow on my present. I have been protecting my daughter because I have been believing that Fathers are not to be trusted. The sucky thing is that when my husband and I decided to invite a beautiful baby into our lives, we also invited a Father back into my home!
Little did I know—literally until this month—I have been unconsciously projecting this belief of distrust on him. I have been blindly acting as if he is someone to be watchful of, correct and protect my daughter and I from. I want to talk more about how this shows up because it can be as sneaky as always coming to the rescue when there is conflict. But that is another blog.
Yes, this news has been heartbreaking, to say the least.
What makes this month such a powerful one for me, might be that my Moon sign is in Libra, so I have a greater opportunity for these wounds to rise to the surface. And luckily, I know this only happens because I am ready and capable of healing them, and I am ready to give them the love they deserve.
I had my share of abandonment in my childhood and a lack of deep relationships. Being raised far away from family, during my formative years, on an old dairy Farm with my newly divorced Mother, meant there was lots of time alone.
My Mom was the Sun and my everything. I loved her more than anything and wanted nothing but to be and play with her. Thankfully, she beamed so much love down on me. She was quite the cutting edge parent for her time (1970’s) and actually made many sacrifices and adjustments that Moms or Dads were not even talking about. For example, she quit her job because I was having such a hard time in pre-school. In a time when “Parenting Books” was not an aisle at Powell’s Book Store or Barns and Nobal, my Mom was raising me in her intuitively heart guided way.
My biological Father was not capable of showing up in the relationship. And certainly not capable of showing me that I was important to him. I internalized it, and at the young age of 4 years old and I chopped my pigtails off, thinking that if I was a boy, maybe then he would love me.
The heartbreaking news of blocking my Daughter and her Father’s relationship is also coming with the body-memory of feeling left out, alone and unwanted. It comes at such an interesting time, for I have am being introduced as a Medicine Woman, a healer, a plant whisperer in my community and my reputation is growing. It feels amazing to be accepted for who I truly am in such a public way. So why the triggers of loneliness?
Because just like that, my Soul calls to me to look deeper down. It wants this same acceptance to to reach into the dark. Because, I assume, there is enough love for these shadow parts, for these unloved parts, to be invited into the light as well.
As these feelings arise and dim my current relationships, I know that there is work to be done and that I have a great support team and access to practitioners and healers who will help me heal. Thank you Grandmother moon.
This New Moon is asking us to take a look at HOW much we can love ourselves.
How do we show that love to ourselves? What kind of things do we say to ourselves throughout the day? What would it take for us to love all the parts seeing the beauty of our unique combination of strengths and differences?
“For How we treat, and show up for ourselves become the blueprint for all other interactions in our lives.” –Spirit Daughters New Moon Journal (SD).
My Dad did not have a great blueprint to go on. Neither did my Grandparents who lived on the other side of the States. And neither did my Step-Dad who, I suspect, held so much guilt, shame, anger and negative self-talk that he didn’t know how to bring love into an angry girl’s heart.
Libra “invites us to cultivate more compassion for yourself and the journey of your life” (SD), and will ask you to put yourself in others shoes.
Somehow I had the natural ability to see many perspectives in any given situation. This cultivated much compassion that lead to forgiveness for those in my life who could not show up for me in the ways I had yearned for. Maybe it’s the Libra Moon sign, maybe it’s my Soul’s wisdom.
How can you pivot your anger or heart to compassion and insight? For aren’t we all doing the best we can with the tools we have?
This October New Moon brings in an understanding of my past actions that I have not realized before: When you have old wounds, or beliefs, or have gathered evidence or built up resentments or judgments toward the very thing you are trying to manifest in your life, then YOU WILL BLOCK YOURSELF FROM RECEIVING IT.
I have come to find that you either surrender to a Leap Of Faith into Trust, or do the healing that allows you to get out of your own way, so that more love can come to you.
Spirit Daughters says, “Often times we have dreams for ourselves, only to find out we harbor negative feelings towards people who are aligned with what we want or who we want to become.”
At the end of this blog, I have given you a list of journal prompts and questions from Spirit Daughters and myself.
These New Moon energies are giving us a look through multifaceted eyeglasses. Take a gander, what do you see? Are there relationships that you are holding onto that are not in alignment anymore? Could that energy and/or time be spent on a relationship that fuels you, inspires you and lifts you up?
“We share frequencies and are affected vibrationally by the people in our life.”—SD
It seems as the Stars and Moons, Suns and Planets position themselves, I start to move my focus to what these celestial beings are murmuring about. I have been taking a look at my relationships, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the insecurities in them.
Because I have been seeking more from them.
A deeper love for myself is forming, for I have been stepping into my Heart Song, my authentic self. And when your internal love grows and strengthens, so does your ability to love on the outside. Your capacity to love expands!
I am now gathering evidence that when we invest in our relationships there is a massive amount of richness that comes with it. I am in the process of learning their treasures. I used to believe that intimacy and open hearts leave you in sorrow and tears. My beliefs on this are changing, diminishing, dissolving.
No wonder I have blocked myself from girlfriends, love, commitment, friendship, sisterhood, community. Even though I wanted to manifest something beautiful, close, loving and supportive, I had unconscious negative feelings towards those very things.
For the first time in my life, I get to see and experience by proxy, a beautiful Father-Daughter relationship. My daughter and my husband are my teachers. They are showing me how it can be.
I feel blessed, for I know some never get this chance. I see her run to him, hug him as he lifts her up. They laugh and they cry together. She gets to call out “Papa” from the yard to invite him to “watch me” or “play with me,” and he does. They touch, they cuddle, they love in a way that I don’t even have a reference point for.
But they are imprinting it on my heart. And realizing that witnessing their love is giving me ability to love my Step-Dad in new ways.
May this New Moon be a powerful one for you as well… with grace and inspiring insights. May you make adjustments to let more harmony in, rebalance in this change of seasons and love yourself more fiercely than ever before.
Spirit Daughters and I encourage you to lean into the energies of the zodiac by prompting you to journal on these thoughts and inquiries:
Envision how the relationship with yourself can be improved… to experience more harmony and balance.
• How does the person you want to be feel about life and his/her relationship, spaces and things?
• What are the qualities of the best relationships in your life? How do/did they make you feel?
• How is the relationship within yourself (how you treat yourself) mirrored in how other’s treat you?
• How does each of your partnerships help you reach your energetic potential?
Evaluate your relationships – See them from your eyes and theirs too.
• What is the energy exchange?
• How can you open your mind and your heart to other’s perspectives? Can you imagine what it feel like to be in their shoes?
• What would you like to reconcile in the past so that it no longer shapes your relationships of the present?
• What shift would you make this month?